We're a little cranky now, I'm not going to lie.

Those Girls would like to take a moment to officially declare our displeasure with the whole Brian Buscher situation. As many of you know, our favorite motto is "Um, We Like Brian Buscher, Actually." So, hearing the news today that the Twins have outrighted Brian to Rochester. Which means that he will become a minor league free agent shortly after the World Series ends.

It's kind of an understatement to say that we are unhappy with this development. And I am stubbornly disinterested in hearing any arguments about this being even a remotely good thing. The heart wants what it wants, dammit.

It's a dark day.

In other slighly happier news, Chase Utley is making history with the whole being really good at baseball thing during this World Series. I, obviously, credit his very public love of puppies for all of his professional success this off-season.


I hope his success leads more professional athletes to declare strong pro-puppy positions.

I would still like to see the Phillies squeak out a Series win, but last night I found myself feeling just a little bit disappointed that the stupid thing is going to last at least one more game. I'm sorry, but the Yankees and Phillies are extremely poor substitutes for Glee on the FOX Wednesday night line-up.

Christmas just got more adorable.

I bought my Johan Santana Hallmark Keepsake Ornament yesterday.

He's pretty adorable, and I heart him.

My goal now is to figure out how to fashion a teeny tiny miniature Twins jersey for him before he goes on my Christmas tree.

You don't have to take HIS word for it....

If LeVar Burton says it, I think we need to listen.



Of course, this comment also makes me want to yell things like "Jordie LaForge could've called that correctly! ......WITHOUT the visor!" at the umpires.

A.B.T.Y.

A year ago the Phillies were the villains, stealing a shiny ring away from our beloved Jason Bartlett and his heartworming Tampa Bay Rays teammates.

This year the Phillies are the closest thing we have to white hatted good guys.

And looking at these CNN poll results this morning:




It looks like a lot of people are subscribing to the ABTY baseball philosophy this year. Anyone But The Yankees. [The other 36% is made up of real Yankees fans, random d-bags, and professional sports journalists. --AND Wolverine, apparently. Say it ain't so!]

Except for Metsgrrl, who I believe is subscribing to her "let's hope a meteor hits the stadium" philosophy. That is also a valid life choice.

I don't think my interest in this match-up is going to ever rise above "Maybe I'll check the score online purely out of morbid curiosity." So...the part of the year where I stop watching baseball and start counting the days til pitchers and catchers report begins a little bit early this year.

It could be worse.

Twins fans, it could be worse. At least Stub Hub is not sending US painful salt-in-the-wound email oopsies like this one:



I read it, and thought "C'mon now...That's just MEAN."

Apparently Stub Hub realized this eventually, and sent this out a little later:




Yes, Stub Hub, this WAS unfortunately a mistake.

I guess someone at Stub Hub didn't realize that there are actually TWO baseball teams in Pennsylvania.

If you're going to market sports to people who love sports, you should probably hire folks who have at least a passing knowledge of what's going on in sports right now. Just a thought.

SMALL MARKET MLB TEAMS KNOCKED OUT OF PLAYOFFS; TV EXECS DOUSE EACH OTHER IN CHAMPAGNE

ATLANTA--The scene at the Turner Entertainment Networks headquarters was a tense one. Executives huddled together around the big screen television in the main conference room. As game 4 of the Phillies/Rockies wound down, you could feel the excitement building. And when the final out was recorded, the room erupted.

Dozens of champagne bottles were wheeled in, and then the festivities really heated up. Between champagne showers,TNT President Steven Koonin was quoted as saying “It’s a really proud day here for us. TBS could not be more pleased with this outcome. You know, we started to get excited after St. Louis lost, but we just didn’t want to jinx anything. Once Minnesota lost, well, it really felt like something magical was happening, although we knew we still had a big battle ahead of us. But today, watching Colorado get knocked out, there just aren’t words enough to describe how special this is.”

Donald Trembly, an associate in the advertising sales department, echoed his boss’s relief and joy. “You know, I think you always need to be a little worried. I mean, it just seems like every year, one of those small loser fly-over teams sneaks in there and really ruins things for us. They’re scrappy. I’ll give them that. But you know what? At the end of the day, scrappy just don’t sell avocados. Booyah!“

Even the interns got in on the celebrations. Rookie Chaz McMurphy was practically in tears. “You dream of something like this your whole life. I almost can’t believe it’s happening to me. I’m 21 years old, and I’m already going to be able to shill basic cable George Lopez programming to the largest possible audience I can imagine. I’m just so proud to be a part of this special team. This is just unreal. Excuse me…I need to call my mom.”

Of course, across the country at the FOX Broadcasting Company, the celebrations were going equally strong. Linda Price, a FOX executive, toasted the Big Market Sweep by admitting that for days she “woke up in cold sweats, after having nightmares about a Twins-Rockies World Series.”

Poop.

It was 3 (well, 4, really) more games of baseball than we expected. So there's THAT.

But I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Twins baseball just yet anyway.

So...poop.

Twins Broadcasting for Dummies

So, judging by myself and all of my Twins Twitter friends during Wednesday night's game, we all hate the TBS announcers with varying degrees of venom.

When you love a team, and know more about them than you know about several members of your extended family, it's tough to listen to a broadcast team who seems to be starting with a baseline knowledge of approximately zero. When your team also happens to be playing the Yankees, things get a little vomit inducing. Like when they suggested that actually, having a kagillion dollar payroll and being a successful team in the largest media market in the country is just such "a burden."

Yes, poor lil' fellas. Tell it to the team on the field who got 3 hours of sleep the night before and most of whom are making close to the league minimum salary.

Anyway, to cope, you have to see the funny. I subscribed to MLB's postseason.tv to watch the tie-breaker at work while the dvr worked overtime at home. It's fixed angle camera feeds (you can choose up to 4 angles to watch out of 9....2 of which are dugout cameras, yay!) with the TBS broadcast audio feed. Since it was the first night of postseason.tv functionality, I think they were still working out the bugs. For example, for most of the game, the audio feed didn't cut away during commercial breaks. So I was able to hear how ridiculous the guys sounded trying to frantically search for random statistics they could lead off with after the break, desperately trying to make them sound meaningful. There were a lot of conversations like this:

3rd inning: "Hey, if we go back to last year, the Twins haven't scored in 11 innings of tie-break games!" "Yeah! That's a great one! Let's go with that!"

"Wait, wait, wait! What's that helmet Joe Mauer wears? Is that like an '80s helmet or something? I bet it is. That would make a great bit. Somebody find out!"

And of course, when the Tigers scored 3 runs, there was all of the preparation for the next series. Who the Tigers will be pitching first against the Yankees, etc. Ha. Gotcha that time, TBS.

So, since I can only assume that their commercial break prep work involves Googling, maybe they will find this post. So, I've compiled some of their favorite Twins information they will probably need at some point, all in one handy dandy spot. You're welcome, Chip.

• Joe Mauer is really good at baseball.
• Joe Mauer is, believe it or not, FROM Minnesota!
• Joe Mauer is pretty gosh darn tall for a catcher. He's 6'5"!
• Joe Mauer has 3 batting titles
  
• Joe Mauer has sideburns.
  
• There are also 24 other players on the Twins playoff roster. None of them are named Joe Mauer.
  
• Three years ago, Ozzie Guillen called some of the Twins "piranhas" one time.
• Justin Morneau is injured.
• The Twins miss Justin Morneau.
• The Twins are considered a "small-market team."
• The Twins couldn't afford to keep Johan Santana and Torii Hunter, because they are a small-market team.

That should be enough information to last 9 innings of TBS broadcast baseball. If it goes into extra innings, feel free to repeat the above information, ad nauseum.

In case you're interested in branching out TBS (and/or all you Yankees fans and/or bandwagon Twins "fans" who are googling them right now), Nick Blackburn is starting tonight and you can find all sorts of good information here.

Holy Crap on a Cracker.

First off, I would like to offer some condolences to Jim Leyland, the Tigers and their fans. Because I think we all remember how last year felt for us. It felt like horse-pucky. Sorry it came down to that guys. Nothing personal.

But damn, that was an awesome night.

And all of my happy dancing shouting and whatnot was not at all focused on gloating at the Tigers. That's bad karma. It was 100% celebration of our boys winning the AL Central against all odds and expectations.

I think they made that Top 100 Metrodome Moments list too early. Because last night has to rank up there. Top 15 at least.

And going against the odds and expectations was certainly the theme of the evening. If anyone had told me the game would come down to Bobby Keppel and Alexi Casilla, I would have giggled a little bit.

And win it they did. And I giggled a little bit about it.

The on-field and clubhouse celebrations are always the best part. Carlos Gomez's happiness is infectious. And the Rauch/Gardenhire man-hug is possibly one of my favorite visuals of the whole season so far.

But like the Twins, we can't focus too long on winning the Central, because we have to start looking to the Bronx without much of a breather.

For the remainder of the Twins' post-season, I am removing the word "realistically" from my vocabulary and my consciousness. It's an ugly word, and nothing I am ever interested in hearing follows it. It is the opposite of warm and fuzzy. It is cold and prickly. Who needs it?

So, whimsically, at this point I think folks are silly to write this team off right away. Because, clearly there is magic at work and it's crazy to deny it.

But I hope the Yankees fans keep writing them off, because historically, the Twins always perform at their absolute best with zero external expectations.

Yes, the 0-7 season series record against the Evil Empire is a more than daunting statistic. But THIS is not the same team who played the Yanks earlier this year. There's a certain mental toughness the team is playing with right now that we haven't seen in while. I swear Michael Cuddyer is willing the ball to go where he wants with just the power of his mind right now. And we've never seen THIS Delmon Young since he came to Minnesota. And the fact that Bobby Keppel got out of that bases loaded jam last night had supernatural mystical forces written ALL over it.

To quote Cuddy's clubhouse speech: "Let's drink it up and go get the Yankees!"

Oh, what a difference a year makes.

Last year, after missing opportunities to put the division away (and Cleveland putting Juan Rincon in against the White Sox), I was a little disappointed that we HAD to play a tie-breaker. This year, after scorching through the end of the season like a team on fire, without Justin Morneau, I am thrilled that we GET to play a tie-breaker.

Last year, I was fightin' pissed that we lost home field advantage to a random toss of a coin, rendering our season series win pointless. This year I think we all feel vindicated that MLB righted that wrong and changed the rules. And now that the hometown crowds have been warming up their vocal cords and the Dome's insane acoustics for the past 4 days, I don't think the Tigers will know what hit them when they take the field.

Aside from the Gopher's tanking it, this has to go down as one of the most interesting weeks in sports Minnesota has seen.

I think my one request for this game, aside from the obvious winning, would be if we could possibly introduce Jared Allen to Miguel Cabrera tonight. I think that would be fun.

In spite of the cold, and in spite of the fact that it has approximately one bazillion calories, you had better believe I will be getting a Cold Stone Cotton Candy Milkshake for luck today.

I believe in magic.

Here's some pics from last weekend just for kicks:

Sweet Farewell to the Metrodome Souvenir.

Thank You, Jeff Manship, for getting it done.

Thank You, Zack Greinke for NOT getting it done.
I'm sorry you had to lose for the greater good. I still love you.
AND I think more people should have cheered when you got announced on Sunday. Hmph.

Nick Blackburn is clearly our go-to guy.
We, at Oh It's Those Girls, are very proud of him.

Hello Boof. It's good to see you again.

Joe Nathan and I have worked through our trust issues.
Everything is fine again.

We cannot believe our little Malt Cup Kid is old enough to sell beer now!

The Last regular-season Dome Dog.

The count down's over. Sort of. Having Kirby Jr. there was pretty special.

Actually, the whole Farewell to the Metrodome ceremony on Sunday was pretty amazing. Kudos to all the folks who planned it, because it was even better than I hoped it would be.

The Curious Case of Jose Mijares

Those Girls are thoroughly enjoying our last weekend at the Dome.

We ALWAYS enjoy the last weekend home series, but obviously, this one is special.

More than special, actually. After today, I'm willing to go ahead and call it magic.

I think we were all a little wary of going into a matchup against Greinke, but I knew it was going to be a great day as soon as we got into the Dome. Magic started right away. I got a batting practice ball and Boof was back in town, shagging balls in his customary spot in the outfield. Honestly, I kind of chalked the day into my own personal win column before the first pitch was thrown. Boof is my favorite, and having him back (sort of) finally made the season seem right to me. Better late than never. Clearly this is what threw my season off. Not finding a suitable temporary replacement baseball boyfriend really forced me to get my needs met with other teams this season, and that's just not right.

Anyway, I'm much better now.

And the game was pretty awesome too.

I have spent much of the last few weeks saying things like "this is NOT the AL Central of 2006" in spite of the Tigers/Twins scoreboard watching grudgematch. But I will admit that now I'm having a touch of Deja Vu. It definitely feels like we are replaying that last game scenario of '06. A promising but green and inconsistent young pitcher gets passed over for an equally inconsistent but much older pitcher when the final game of the season rurns out to actually mean something afterall. Except the role of Scotty Baker will now be played by Brian Duensing, and the role of Carlos Silva will now be played by Carl Pavano. And that's not me complaining (in spite of my well-documented dislike and distrust of one former Mr. Milano), I mean, that day turned out pretty well.

However tomorrow turns out, all of the players on our team now have at least experienced what a playoff atmosphere at the Dome is like anyway. Today's supersized crowd was loud and pround, and tomorrow it's going to be even crazier. Plus there will be Homer Hankies!

I do feel a little bad about needing to beat up on the Royals though. I get the same feeling as I do when I visit the dog shelter and can't bring all the poor homeless puppies home with me. I hope the Royals know it's not personal. Especially Billy Butler and Zack Greinke. I had to shelve my Butler/Greinke love for the weekend....but I promise that once this is over, things will go back to normal.

Of course, to top off the evening, Jen from Lipgloss & Baseball and I wound up walking right behind Jose Mijares at the Mall of America. Now, of all the players we could randomly stumble upon, Jose Mijares wouldn't be my FIRST choice....especially today. But hey, it is what it is. And it did lead to an awesome Those Girls phone conversation:

Me, whispering: Guess what I'm doing right now!
Casey: What!?
Me: Walking behind Jose Mijares at the Mall of America!
Casey: Have you gone up to him and blurted out something random and embarrassing yet?
Me: um...No....
Casey: That's weird. And very unlike you.

I didn't bother Jose Mijares though. But there was this weird awkward part where for some reason we all kept walking back and forth around each other, like 5 times because apparently none of us in either party knew where we were going. In hindsight, I clearly should have broken up the awkward cycle with a friendly offer of a fist bump.

Mostly just because I think that would have been the most amusing conclusion to the anecdote.

"And then I fist bumped Jose Mijares. The End."

No judging here. This is a safe place.

No, I am not dead.

To the concerned folks who've emailed me, and those that have commented here, thanks....and I'm fine. I'm not dead... or maimed, even. And the other day, my mother even admonished me for neglecting this blog. That's when I know things are BAD.

I just don't really have anything amusing to say right now.

While a pennant race is always fun, and I obviously hope we win the division--just because it's kind of fun sticking it to Detroit and Chicago--I can't really get too excited about a possible playoff berth in any sort of dimension of reality.

I'm just having an off season as a superfan. To use lame relationship cliches as metaphors, I will always love the Twins, but this season I am just not IN love with them. Also...it's not you, it's me...if that helps any.

And if I've learned one thing, it's that when it comes to this blog, if I can't say something amusing or enthusiastic, I just shouldn't say anything at all.

I'm looking forward to spending the last weekend of the regular season at the Metrodome though, partaking in obsessive compulsive superstitious baseball habits I've developed and perfected over the past 20-odd years for the last time. I guess I will start fresh next season with new idiosyncrasies. Or not. We'll see.

Ten Reasons to Go to the Oakland Game On Friday

I interrupt this spontaneously non-scheduled haitus to bring you an important message:

Frequent blog commenter and Inventer of the Define Your Verification Word Game, Jeremiah, is in a bind. He can't use his 2 season tickets for Friday night's 7pm game against Oakland and is looking for someone to buy them, short notice. They're in section 232, row 21.

In order to help, I have crafted a super helpful list. Obviously.

Ten reasons to buy Jeremiah's Tickets to Friday's game vs. Oakland

1) At $20 apiece (with maybe even a little wiggle room there if you ask really really nicely), it's less than face value at single game pricing. And let's face it, friends don't let friends pay retail for Oakland.

2) This is the Next-to-Next-to-Last-Friday Night you can spend at the Dome.

3) This is an excellent oppotunity to mock the A's for wearing white shoes after Labor Day.

4) Two words: Craig. Breslow.

5) It's something to do between the NFL Thursday night game, and college football on Saturday.

6) Buying these tickets from Jeremiah is at least 7 times less sketchy than buying tickets from the loitering scalper brigade.

7) If you don't go to the game, it is entirely possible that Glen Perkins will file a grievance against you.

8) In the upper deck, you're a safe distance away from the Oakland players. The chances that one of them will be able to climb up that far and shank you during the 7th inning stretch are slim at best. I mean, anything is possible...but you're probably out of harm's way.

9) A rousing game of I Spy Terrifying Facial Hair is so much more fun when we play Oakland. Only the White Sox offer up a more satisfying competition.

10.) OK. I lied. There are actually only 9 reasons I could think of. BUT they are 9 really good reasons.

If you're interested, or know someone who is, send me an email and I'll pass it along. I have an email listed on my blogger profile.

And if the tickets are spoken for by the time you read this, the logic of my awesome list still stands, and have no fear, there is always the loitering scalper brigade. Or....you know....the ticket window.

Find a Penny.....leave it there.

I can't remember if I've blogged this before....but a while ago I serendipitously had a lovely conversation with an MLB insider who was visiting the Metrodome for the first time. I shared with him my knowledge of the Metrodome and the Minneapolis/St. Paul area, and he shared with me some MLB dirt. Like, Gossip Girl style dirt. It was good times.

He told me about having to interact with all of the players at the '07 All-Star Game in San Francisco. I'm paraphrasing here and cleaning up the language a bit, but he said something like "Brad Penny was definitely the biggest jerk in the NL....Probably the biggest jerk all-around." (I will not disclose who he found to be the biggest AL jerk...because it's too heartbreaking. A little piece of me died that day I think). And he gave me some pretty convincing anecdotal evidence to make the point.

It's just one guy's opinion...but still.

Anyway, I was reminded of that conversation today when rumors started swirling that the Twins are interested in picking up Penny.

I'm not very psyched about that. I don't want to feel social pressure to cheer for known d-bags. (The Sidney Ponson Effect). It makes me feel like I'm just cheering for a uniform. And, while our uniforms are OK...I really like those throw-backs....I'm not sure I'm willing to blindly throw my sporting allegiance to them. I like cheering for the Twins because a majority of them are really good guys. I don't want our nice guy-to-dbag ratio to get too out of hand, you know?

It seems like Bill Smith is trying to collect Alyssa Milano's ex-boyfriends. I'm more than a little terrified that he's going to try trading for Barry Zito and his albatross of a contract in the off-season. yikes!

Another upside

I forgot another silver lining to having an overall godawful season....

Winning two games (in a ROW, even!) feels like winning the the World Series.

I think we should have a parade! With firetrucks and candy tossing and everything!

Good job, boys!

I didn't do a very good job jinxing the Red Sox though. So, I'm sorry Texas Rangers. Here's a picture of a bunny to cheer you up:

And for the folks googling "Garrett Jones T-shirt" (My, there are a lot of you! Yay!), I have one, but I had to order it from the Pirates' mlb.com store, here. When you go to "customize" you can pick Garrett's name and no. from the drop-down. With shipping, probably the most expensive t-shirt I own. Totally worth it.

Beating the odds

No Morneau OR Kubel.

Brendan Harris batting clean up.

Pavano/Humber/Crain on the mound, all of whom require you to bust out a second hand (and in Humber's case, a foot) if you want to count up their ERA's on your fingers.

We let Texas steal approximately 73 bases.

And we still won.

THAT's the sort of game we've all been missing. I hope everyone enjoyed it!

I particularly like Good-At-Baseball-Delmon-Young. I know, I know....Mauer Mauer blah blah blah. Yes, he's good. He's really good. But sometimes it's fun to let Delmon Young be the hero too. I like a good redemption story. And I like to feel good happy warm fuzzy feelings about Delmon Young because he gets left out a lot, and I feel sad for him. I mean, I'd take Jason Bartlett back for him in a heartbeat, but aside from that, I feel sad for him. [And honestly, I'd take Jason Bartlett back in trade for a couple family members too....so Delmon shouldn't take that too personally.]

As for Texas, I like that Borbon kid. I really like him. How fun to watch is he?! Maybe that's why we let him steal 3 bases. Maybe Joe Mauer and Carl Pavano were just dazzled by his awesomeness and stunned into inaction.

And I feel bad that Texas dropped back down to tie with the BoSox for the wild card. I'm not really sad that we won....I mean, throw us a bone, you know? But I'm mostly sad that Boston won. I really want to see the Rangers in the playoffs.

I would really like the Twins to win again today, so I'm going to concentrate on jinxing the Red Sox. If there was a way to make a loss count double for them, that would be cool.

Silver Linings

Every cloud has a silver lining. So I have a list of positive effects of this quickly tanking dull and lifeless '09 Twins season.

10 Silver Linings:

1) As Twins Territory collectively seeks to drown our sorrows, the increased liquor sales will help boost the floundering economy.

2) With no interesting Twins news to report, sports reporters will have more time and energy to devote to fabricating Brett Favre news.

3) I think I am pretty close to being able to safely re-allocate the vacation days I saved "just-in-case" for potential post-season games. Not sure what I'm going to do with them...but I have a few ideas (see Silver Lining #1).

4) No more hearing damage from the decibal level of a playoff-atmosphere Metrodome. Ever. I guess my ears will be happy, even if my heart is broken.

5) There should be plenty of good golfing weather left for the players and coaches once our season is done early. Sincerely. Maybe some time spent relaxing, and refocusing will help. Everyone needs a little Me Time.

6) September call-ups are a little more interesting if we're out of the running. Let some fresh blood start a few games, even if they're not really ready for this level of play. It certainly can't get any worse, right? I vote for Trevor Plouffe.

7) Pre-Season NFL seems a lot more entertaining than usual to me, by comparison.

8) No reason to bust out my Twins car flag, thereby not making my car's MPG worse, and consequently decreasing my carbon footprint. So, really, the Twins are helping to save the WORLD.

9) With no fun hijinks, shenanigans or nicknames (Smell 'Em, Little Piranhas, etc.), there are no associated novelty t-shirts to buy either. It's a brilliant money-saving solution!

10) The '09 season has given me the opportunity to quote lines from the movie "Hamlet 2" more often. Most notably: "Hope is a demon bitch." I love Hamlet 2.

**********************************************************

And finally, an unrelated sidenote that is really just a message for Bobby Keppel (and a cautionary note to the rest of the pitching staff by extension): If you ever even think about possibly potentially hitting Ian Kinsler with a pitch again at any point in the future, accidentally or otherwise, I will end you.

Hasn't the poor boy been through enough lately?!

Leave Ian Kinsler alone. He is fragile, and I love him. He is off-limits, so get your wild pitching under control. Or you will have to deal with me.

"But We Were On A Break!"

Oh Twins-centric blog, it's been awhile.

This is mostly because I'm not sure the Twins and I are on speaking terms right now.

This is the result of mainly 2 things...

1) I went to Pittsburgh, and their baseball is way more fun than ours. Yes, the truth hurts. But the Twins bandwagon has been leaking fun for quite some time, and it took having a weekend of pure unadulterated baseball fueled fun of delirious proportion to make me face the unpleasant truth.

For example, their mascot is more fun.



The Parrot actually interacts with fans and players in a playful and fun-loving manner. Sure, TC hits homeruns but he is generally standoffish. (It feels like there might be a metaphor there somewhere, but I don't feel like digging for it). Lipgloss & Baseball made the Pittsburgh trip with me, and her assessment was that the Pirates' Parrot makes TC "look like a giant mascot-y douchebag." She's not wrong.

The people working at their ballpark are so much nicer and more helpful, it felt sort of shaming. It made "Minnesota Nice" look like "Minnesota Sort-of OK But Not THAT Nice if you really think about it," in comparison.

Oh, and they have way better give-aways, concerts, and more creative scoreboard graphics too.

Now, to be fair, maybe our scoreboard graphics will be cooler at Target Field. (Maybe something more exciting than the players rotating 360 degrees, and then staring blankly at the camera trying not to blink? Just a thought.) But there was definitely a certain artistic flair to the Pirates scoreboard presentations that I'm not sure we can equal unless we steal away the dude that does theirs. We'll see.

But beyond the cushy trappings and niceties of PNC Park (Five words: Mix Your Own Slush Puppies!), the team itself seemed to be having more fun. Maybe it's because all of the starting lineup from a year ago had just been traded away and everyone left was relieved to still have a job, or maybe it's because as a longshot to win a division title for a while there's less pressure, but it sure looked enviable anyway.

Our team used to have fun too.

Maybe they still do, but I don't see it. No one looks like they're particularly enjoying themselves much.

Or maybe I'm just projecting. I don't know.

Watching the Twins play has started feeling more like work and less like fun. And I really miss the fun. I wish it would come back.

And now onto reason #2 I don't know if I'm on speaking terms with the Twins right now:

Carl Pavano. I know, I know....big great amazing win the other night. Having picked up and dropped and picked up and dropped Carl in a couple fantasy leagues this season, I'm fully aware that sometimes he has been awesome this season. (Of course, he has also been positively wretched at times too, so let's not get too excited just yet.) But the fact that what felt like our only win in a hundred years came with Carl Pavano at the helm just puts an even finer point on things. When the high point of the team I'm supposed to love becomes Carl PAVANO, I am forced to take a serious personal inventory of our relationship.

So, that's that. The Twins and I have sort of been on a break. I will admit that I have been discreetly seeing other teams on the side. No one in our division, obviously. I'm not cruel.

But really the truth is that the Twins will always have my heart. Whether I like it or not. I'm really just patiently waiting for the fun-loving, adorable, non-public-bitchfest-y (Joe, Joe, and Justin, I am giving you the stink eye there) team that I know and love to come back and give me a reason to stay faithful. I'm sure they will. I just hope it's soon, or I might run off with the Pittsburgh scoreboard graphics guy.

A Perfect Storm....(of tears and/or vomit)

I'm writing this post from O'Hare. It is early. Too early. For ME anyway.

I got, literally, 10 minutes of sleep. 5 minutes before United Airlines called at midnight to notify me of a flight change and to just sort of pee all over my proverbial Cornflakes in general, and then another 5 minutes immediately before my alarm went off when I am usually just going to bed. Yes, I'm a rockstar like that.

Anyway, I am planning to make it through the day exxlusively on power bars and enough caffeine to make my heart explode.

And when I left this morning the last thing I heard was that Bill Smith was getting hot and heavy with Oakland for frickin Orlando Cabrera.

Me + 10 minutes of sleep + too much caffeine + White Sox merch surrounding me + mothereffing Oakland = A perfect storm of increased probability that there will be baseball related tears and/or vomit on my part today. I don't deal well with things when I am sleep deprived.

Thankfully, it sounds like talks have cooled. If we had to make a trade, with Sanchez out of the picture, I'd rather have Scutaro. But I still don't believe that trading for trading's sake is going to get us anywhere.

But on the other end of the trade spectrum, I'm on my way to Pittsburgh to watch their AAA squad take on the Natinals. I'll say hi to Garrett Jones for you, assuming he still plays there by tonight.

Whatever, Buehrle. You're not so hot.

Going into tonight's game, I figured the odds were in our favor. I mean, seriously, what are the mathematical chances someone throws 2 perfect games in a row?

But I will admit, I ALMOST started getting a little nervous there for awhile.

I had faith though. I never really even doubted we would would win.

Because I had a secret weapon. Not being willing to completely trust the odds that Buehrle couldn't toss 2 perfectos in a row, I brought out the big guns.

That's right. Buehrle, you might be nearly perfect, but even YOU cannot withstand the awesome magical power that is artificially flavored frozen Cotton Candy confections.

I downed a cup of Cotton Candy Itti Bitz in a fog of superstition-fueled desperation, and finished it off just before 1st pitch, as tradition dictates.

And lo, the legend of fake frozen Cotton Candy goodness lives on.

In order to keep the magic fresh and reliable, I have to save it for very special situations. I am terrified of wearing the magic out with overuse. I'm very glad I picked this game though. Otherwise things could have gotten embarrassing.

You're welcome, Twins.

What sort of magical frozen treat do you think one might use to ward off a trade with evil ugly Oakland?